There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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