someone threw a dead crab at me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
