If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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