Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
