Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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