he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
