in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
