So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
