I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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