I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
