I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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