I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
