she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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