i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
