like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
farters have to be the big spoon...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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