Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
