I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
