6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
