Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
