it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
