I think im going to throw up on grandma
this beer tastes like vomit already
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
