WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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