I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
