are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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