How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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