i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
