I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
