I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't think brook has ever known best
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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