yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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