i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
