i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
