im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
