WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
