i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
