I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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