I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm at about main and main street
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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