just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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