Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
