Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
