Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
