yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
