He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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