My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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