He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
