I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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