You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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