Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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