They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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