i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
