glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
