I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
