No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
