Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
