And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
