He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my shit smells like andre
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
